Dear Diary
by Purplemoon153
Summary: Diary entries showing Matthew's life spiraling downward. So angst. Much au. Very soulmate. Trigger warning for abuse and self harm Soulmate Au: You can see any mark on your soulmate's body on you. You don't feel any pain that your soulmate does but you will see the wounds on your body. Remember, if you self harm or anything like it please get help. I love you all so much
1. Prologue

Dear Diary,

My mother gave me this for my birthday a number of years ago, but I haven't felt inclined to write in this until now. She has left me with my father today. Cancer finally took her from me.

Father has been more distant, and is coming home drunk every night. I hope he gets better soon. I wish mother wasn't dead too.

~Matthew Patrick


	2. What's Wrong Father

Dear Diary,

It's been months and if anything father has gotten worse. He yells at me all the times, calling me horrible things, they are probably true. He would not say them if they weren't based on some sort of truth, right? I wonder if will ever get better.

If I don't do the housework, I'll get punished, by punished I mean hit, with a belt, repeatedly. He also tends to get angrier if I do my chores wrong than not do them at all.

School starts up again next week so we will see how that goes. I am actually excited for school. It means that I'll spend some time out of the house. That will be nice, maybe I will get friends this year, I doubt it though.

~Matthew Patrick


	3. Sir?

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Dear Diary,/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"It has been a little over a week from my last entry and he has gotten worse. He's been demanding that I call him 'sir' and on top of that he is always either drunk or hungover now. He is spiraling down the slide of alcoholism, not that I blame him if I had myself as a son I would want to forget about him too./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"School started up again. I enjoy learning a ton, but the bullies make it hell. This year we are learning about soulmates, seeing as most of us will reach the age that we can contact our soulmates. I would be surprised if I didn't have one. If I did they probably wouldn't want me. My parents were soulmates, I bet that is why mother's death is affecting Sir so much./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Until next time/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"~Matthew Patrick/p 


	4. The Age of Soulmates and Adulthood

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Dear Diary,/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"I am of age to find my soulmate as of today, and I am legally an adult. I don't have to stay with Sir anymore, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I will just live with him and take the abuse. I doubt he'd let me leave even if I tried./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The bullying has gotten worse. They call me useless, unwanted, ugly, fat, etc. I have been trying to help the others who also get bullied, but they seem reluctant to take my help. I get it. Nobody wants to be associated with me, it could draw more bullies to them./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Sir keeps on hitting me, yesterday he attacked me with a broken beer bottle. He smashed it on the table like in a bar fight, then came at me. I ended with a lot of cuts. It sort of felt nice in a way, almost relieving. I think that they are going to scar. He has begun to starve me, the reasoning behind it being, that he no longer is legally obligated to feed and shelter me. He says that I am being kept around to do the housework, and as a stress reliever for Sir. I hope that I make it my next birthday./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"~Matthew Patrick/p 


	5. New Boy

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Dear Diary,/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"It has been a few weeks since my birthday, and my life has only gotten worse. On the bright side a new boy moved here. I think his name is Nathan. He is pretty dang cute. I wish he was my soulmate. I would probably drag him down though. I should leave him alone so the bullied leave him alone to. It is for the best./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Sir locks me in my room most weekends. It's good thing that I have a small ensuite. Every weekday after school I get beat pretty bad, it isn't like I don't deserve it. It still hurts though. The verbal abuse is worse though, pain is momentary, but the insults echo in my head for hours. I have more than doubled the amount of scars I had before Mother passed on. It didn't take long for that to happen, it is unsurprising considering I had very few and now they cover my body. Sir and the bullies have covered creating new scars on my body pretty thoroughly./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"School has been particularly hellish. Oftentimes I end up stuck in a locker. It doesn't really matter when or how long, it just happens. Yesterday was particularly bad because of the injuries Sir inflicted the night before. He had taken some broken glass and his pocket knife to my back. The bullies didn't know and just added to the collection of wounds covering my back. At least they are still ignorant, if someone found out I couldn't imagine the punishment Sir would give me./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"I also have started picking up medical books from the library in order to try and treat my injuries. The more I understand about treating my wounds the better they get.I know that Sir won't pay for me to go to the hospital. It would be a waste of money for my sorry ass to get treated by professionals then have all of their hard work be undone in a matter of minutes. I suspect that I am underweight. That doesn't surprise me either based on my current eating habits of once every few days./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"~Matthew Patrick/p 


	6. The Angst Intensifies

p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Dear Diary,/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Sir has gotten more violent and neglectful in the past few weeks, not that that is surprising. Ereyesterday he tied me to the stair banister. He proceeded to beat me black and blue, and left me there for another couple hours while he went out and bought more beer. I ended up relying on myself as I had to break free from the rope he tied me with because he forgot about me and I had to get to school in the morning. Sir could have left me on purpose, but he is usually more careful than that. He knows that me not showing up to school can cause suspicion. I had to pop my shoulder back into its socket, afterwards. It is a good thing I have those medical books, and experience from doing it a couple times. The first time I had to do that it was a mess and I did it wrong. Although I could just search how to do that on the internet, seeing as I can only access the internet at school. We have wifi, but I don't have a way to access it. I only have a flip phone./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"School is getting worse. It has not reached home levels of bad though yet, so that is one of my blessings. The only time someone isn't yelling at or beating me is when I walk home sometimes and when I am unconscious. I say unconscious because I am usually knocked out. I don't usually fall asleep naturally. Sir beat melatonin to the punch, literally./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"I don't think that I have a soulmate, or if I do they don't care about me. which honestly is a good thing. I feel less guilty about being a massive screwup. So I've started cutting, in order to feel some sort of relief from my mental anguish. The process stung, but worked for a little bit. I might do it again later./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Cuts-22/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16.5375px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"~ Matthew Patrick/p 


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